12/13/04 - "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemingway 12/20/04 - "Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars." - Hobart Brown 12/27/04 - "Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat." - Johnny Brownn 1/3/05 - "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams 1/10/05 - "Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself." - A. H. Weilers 1/17/05 - "Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy." - Robert Anthony 1/24/05 - "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." – Voltaire 1/31/05 - "Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment." - Barry LePatner 2/7/05 - "Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties."- Doug Larson 2/14/05 - "Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead." - James Thurber 2/21/05 - "The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."- Lily Tomlin 2/28/04 - "He who lives by hope will die by hunger."- Italian Proverb 3/7/04 - "You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance." -Edward Flaherty 3/14/05 - "If you wait for the perfect moment when all is safe and assured, it may never arrive. Mountains will not be climbed, races won, or lasting happiness achieved."- Maurice Chevalier 3/21/05 - "When some guy walks in and smacks the back of your favorite head up against a bathroom wall and asks if you have paid your due's, you just remember what old Jack Burton says at a time like this. Have you paid your due's? Yes sir, the check is in the mail." - Jack Burton, Big Trouble In Little China 3/28/05 - "If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"- Scott Adams 4/4/05 - "The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. "- Hunter S. Thompson 4/11/05 - "It's a dangerous business going out your front door."- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring 4/18/05 - "I gotta go where there ain't any snow Where there ain't any blow 'Cause my fin sinks so low I gotta go where it's warm" - Jimmy Buffett, "Boat Drinks" 4/25/05 - "Confusion is always the most honest response."- Marty Indik 5/2/05 - "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."- Henny Youngman 5/9/05 - "America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there." - Laurence J. Peter 5/16/05 - "...So I'm heading out to the highway I got nothin' to lose at all I'm goin' to do it my way Take a chance before I fall A chance before I fall..." - Judas Priest, "Heading Out To The Highway" 5/23/05 - "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost 5/30/05 - "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." - Unknown 6/6/05 - "If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."- Paul Beatty 6/13/05 - "Sanity is a one trick pony -- all you have is rational thought. But when you're good and loony, the sky's the limit!" – The Tick 6/20/05 - "When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere."- Francois de La Rochefoucauld 6/27/05 - "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. There is no Someday." - Unknown 7/4/05 - "Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic."- Dan Rather 711/05 - "If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going."- Professor Irwin Corey 7/18/05 - "I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?"- Ronnie Shakes 7/25/05 - "When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'"- Don Marquis 8/1/05 - "A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world."- John le Carre 8/8/05 - "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."- John Lennon 8/15/05 - "Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost."- Russell Baker 8/29/05 - "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river."- Nikita Khrushchev 2/27/06 - "Where facts are few, experts are many." - Donald R. Gannon